My boyfriend brought something to my attention the other night. no, this wasn't a sweet nothing to bring butterflies and warm fuzzies, rather i felt a tinge of sorrow at what he said. he pitied me, and i couldn't handle it.
i am jenn, and i do not have a best friend. sounds like i'm in some sort of alcoholics anonymous group or something. but no, i'm just being upfront and honest here. i didn't grow up with a "best friend" always at my side. i had one at 4 years old, but after that, i just had friends. i remember once thinking i'd had a "best friend" and offered her a friendship bracelet, which she fervently refused. think of the trauma my 8 year old self felt.
through school there were groups that i hung out with at different ages. my cousins, being the same age and gender as me, were usually a part of that group from time to time. so i guess if i had ever had a "best friend," one of them would have fit the part. but only for a period of time.
in my teen and adult years i've met people and stayed loosely in touch. i even have some people i like to call "good friends" or even "mentors." but yet now in college, i sit in the cafeteria alone. unless i see someone from class sitting alone as well, which is rare. excluding my boyfriend, i get more texts or calls from my sister than any of my other contacts in the entire address book. and we're not even close. the last personal email i received was two months ago.
now i'm not saying all this because i'm depressed. i like to be alone. i enjoy reading a good book, or writing, or just zoning out. i like my own little world. but it seems that those on the outside looking in don't agree. am i a hermit? is it wrong to be a hermit?
i hate the thought of someone pitying me. it honestly made me cry right then and there when bryan said it. not sure exactly why. but i did.
so what's wrong with me? is it because i'm just too lazy to keep in touch? just plain uninteresting? not "best friend" material? or am i just plain thinking too much? do i even need a "best friend" to be ok? i thought i was doing good all along. i had God, a man i love, stuff to do, a job... you know the basic necessities i found important. do i really have to have "girlfriends?" and if so, where do i get them?
**sorry, mostly just personal thoughts. helps me to write, no need to respond**
Comments (1)
Oh Jen ...I am in this same boat. Growing up we moved alot (mainly because my parents were drug addicts that is a whole other mess anyways)but, I have always had friends and never a best friend. A girl friend that I could confide in or do things with. I was ok with that, I'm saved, and I got married and have kids still no BF and i am ok with that. I feel that God gave me my husband to be my best friend. Now understand that No my husband doesnt understand all the woes of being a women,a mom or anything like that. He tries but he doesnt have a clue(I love him for this lol)
Though at times I wondered what it would be like to have a BF, and I tried and all I got was heartache and more questions just as you are facing now. Am I BF material? Do I repel people? Do I have a trust issue? I dont know maybe I do. I think that if God wanted me too have a BF then He would have that person in my life. Maybe my BF will come after my kids have grown and moved on or maybe never.
I don't think your a hermit. If you are alright with the people who are in your life, and your spiritual life is healthy. I wouldn't worry but, if you want I best friend then pray that God wll place that person in your life and maybe they are already are. :) Let me know if you figure out why we ended up this way.
On a much lighter note Shane said that I should place an ad in the paper or online. I laughed like they have eharmony for Friends Like I dont have enough going on in my life I need a stalker. LOL.
Dorothy